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322: This Dumb Place

What a year! Let’s talk about in this very loose episode. Come along!

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318: At the Speed of Snowplow!

Winter in comic books is kinda… weird, right? Like it rarely happens, and when it does it always seems to be over after a single issue or story-arc. And as semi-northern Canadians, we have a podcast episode to pick with that! But as semi-northern Canadians, we also appreciate it whenever it happens! So join us on a wintery journey through the snow-filled superhero comics that stuck with us (we’ve got TMNT *and* X-Men!), the inadequacies of superhero costumes in winter (tell us, HOW do Spider-Man’s lenses not constantly fog up when he’s wearing a mask?), and we pitch some new comic story ideas to make up for an otherwise lack of winter realism. Plus: Hulk in a snowsuit!! That sounds brrrrr– uh, great!

But… what’s this!? We give wintertime “normal jobs” to three random comic characters: Moon Knight vs. Hockey Parents! Quicksilver turns into a tow truck… Turbo Teen style, even! Fantomah helps (and causes) icy car accidents! And we talk about all the wildest news, from an abruptly-cancelled Luke Cage miniseries, a new comic about Starship Hulk, and Saga’s live-action debut!

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317: Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye

It’s HAWKEYE DAY!!!
Or Toga Hawkeye day.
Or Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye day.
Whatever. It’s Clint Barton Day (And Kate Bishop!). We’re celebrating the release of the Disney+ MCU Hawkeye series by talkin’ Hawkeye! The good, the bad, and the horrible (costumes in particular). We’re talking arrows, Avengers, West Coast Avengers, Thunderbolts and that time he was head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises.
We talk about Clint being the dick of the team but somehow still lovable. The infamous Fraction/Aja run.
And fart arrows. Yea. We go there.
All that and lots of news about Sexy Rudd, a new Shazam comic and Superman becoming Captain Britain!
And celery day. We’re still talking about celery day.

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316: Celery Day Stalkslam

For thousands of years, the debate has raged: Christmas? Halloween? Which is the supreme holiday? Today we solve this decisively, once and for all, ion the typical manner of making a bunch of characters, each representing one of the two holidays, fight!

But first! We’ve got more “news” about the Ayer Cut, as well as the Diamond Distribution Hack and a new comic-based cartoon that just came out! Plus, we’re covering all of the Disney+ Day Marvel stuff in the Warmup!

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315: The Skrull Cows Show Up in This!

You KNOW it’s serious when it’s superhero event time and “war” is in the title! Even though it happens with just alarming regularity, really. We dig deep into a wild variety of superhero war stories: The Kree-Skrull War, The Evolutionary War, and the Secret War (not that one)! Some will change comics forever, others will make absolutely no sense at all! But all will say something about the eras they were published in, from the swingin’ early ‘70s, the excessive late ‘80s, and the deeply cynical mid-2000s!

But that’s not all! We play a random-selection game to create all-new Amalgam characters between newer Marvel and DC characters! Hawkeye marketing pokes the hornet’s nest regarding Marvel and creator royalties! And Danny DeVito writes a Penguin comic!? He’s gonna play this stinkin’ podcast like a harp from hell!

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306: Third Time’s the Swarm!

We haven’t seen Shang-Chi yet, so instead we’re doing another exciting LIGHTNING ROUND! Join us for so many mini-topics you’re guaranteed* to find something you love! Comic characters hosting podcasts! A quiz about quizzes! New kid sidekicks for Wolverine! New “Batman ’89” style comics based on long-dead comic movies! A remote-recorded version of a 1991 Marvel Trading Card game! A “Read This Now” profile on “Memetic” by James Tynion IV, Eryk Donovan and Adam Guzowski! Collection treasures that we regret selling or losing! And an all-new segment about comic characters’ kinks! We really ended the episode with that one! Listen, we can prove it!!

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305: I Am Iron Perlman

It’s Multiverse Madness this week on Zero Issues!
From a new game called CHARACTER SMASH where we smushy smush two completely unrelated characters together to create new ridiculous (but highly marketable) characters, to the main topic where we each give multiple pitches on new splendiforous multiverse stories! Check out the Archie mirrorverse! See the Wolverine claw frenzy! Batman V Superman:The Legal Drama! The Michael Keatonverse! 3 Hawkeyes and a Jeremy Renner! And so much more (well at least 2 more). All that plus news as Spider-Man:No Way Home leaks! Also some Batman leakage (ew). And hear Bry’s gripping tale of how Hellboy bankrupted Marvel in the 90’s. All true! Really! Listen and find out!

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303: What If… Venom was a Cool Jacket?

To celebrate the launch of “WHAT IF…?” on Disney+, we cook up some “what if” questions of our own! Come with us to explore alternate worlds where… The Vision was made by Apple or Microsoft! The Phoenix Force chose Wolverine over Cyclops! The Venom symbiote took over the Fantastic Four! And much more!! At least twice as many more.

But there’s also news! Such news! Substack is the new Image as the hottest creators make the leap to a new platform! The world reacts as Tim Drake, A Robin, explores his sexuality! And hey, did anyone ask for a quiz about Uatu the Watcher?? Because you’d better believe we’ve got it, friends!

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292: Starring Lockjaw

In this Lightning Round episode, we answer such questions as:- who should be the new lead character in Marvel Two-In-One?

– who would win in a fight between Quasar and The Thing (with a heavy flashlight)?
– which Justice League member should own Cheers?
– is the new Nightwing book good and does it make Bry happy?

So if you don’t know the answers to these questions, boy, is this the podcast for you.

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269: We Can Always Talk About DB Cooper

Well Disney dropped a BOMBSHELL the other day, announcing their upcoming plans for all of their properties for the next bazillion years at their investors conference! We of course are focusing on the MARVEL next phase announcements! SO MANY!!! Sure we knew about a lot of this, upcoming films & series, but there were A LOT of reveals of tidbits, whether it be casting news (she hulk, Ms Marvel, Hawkeye and beyond) or brand new announcements we had no clue about (FF, Secret Avengers, Ironheart, Armor Wars….). Not to mention the TRAILERS! So many little bits & hints unleashed….. and we are giddy as 3 school girls! Join us as we break it down for you and explore the MARVELous things on the horizon.

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