hawkeye

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378: Wolverine is a Rich Little Fancy Gentleman

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This week we’ve gone team-up crazy! Time for a free-wheeling discussion about the glorious tradition of Marvel Team-Up, Marvel Two-In-One, The Brave and the Bold, and all the wacky combos of the biggest, the weirdest, and the downright obscure! What are our favourite team-up stories, the ones we never want to see again, ones we should take another look at, and ones we would love to see! All that and why The Thing is the best Marvel team-up star, and an off-the-cuff audio history of “Marvel Two-In-One”, why not! Including yet another heartfelt pitch for an ongoing Lockjaw team-up book, MARVEL. And then another one for a monthly Wolverine X-People-Only team-up book! MARVEL!!

But first, in a rapid-fire Character Storm, we create three soon-to-be classics: The Cramp, Modern Man, and Costume Hoodie! One’s a dance! (That one’s The Cramp!)

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374: Don’t Wipe With Your Hook Hand

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Injuries, illnesses, ailments and disabilities have a long, strange, and often impossibly temporary history in comics. Why are some characters permanently changed while others seem to have a revolving door of miracle cures? (We’re looking at you, Chuck!) Even by comic-book standards, how is Batman NOT dead? And hey, how about the healers, the nurses and doctors, the cast of Hotel Artemis? Let’s give ‘em all a hand —- just keep it attached, Night Nurse-Practitioner is busy enough as-is! While we’re at it, can you name all of Thor’s prosthetic arms? How many superheroes have lost limbs, anyway? Does Aquaman wipe with his, uh, hook hand? ALL THIS and a grievous bodily injury quiz that goes only as awry as usual! Get your spot in the Resurrection Queue, because things could get… traumatic.

Speaking of Krakoa: It’s X-Men election time! Wait… what’s that? That happened almost a week ago!? Well, uh, let’s talk about it anyway! Specifically, why nobody should vote for Juggernaut. BOOM, attack ad!! #JuggerNOT #hahabutseriously

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366: The Meaning of Christmas is Organs

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Shocking news, everyone: it’s DECEMBER! But at least we’ve got some holiday specials to enjoy – starting with the Guardians of the Galaxy one that came out recently! Let’s watch that and talk about it, huh?

But that may not be enough holiday spirit for us, so let’s also pitch some special presentations of our own! Imagine, if you will: Nathan Fillion finally joins the MCU in an ULTRA cheery story straight out of the 1991 Marvel Holiday Special! Werewolf By Night and Man-Thing fend off burglars in a monster-ized “Home Alone” style adventure! A holiday card from The Thing kicks off a bizarre claymation-animated odyssey straight outta Marvel Two-In-One! Miserly Bruce Wayne is plagued by ghost Robins in a Wayne Manor Christmas Carol! Are you ready for… the Twelve Nights of What If…? And there are plenty more under the podcast tree!

The Meaning of Christmas is Organs

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322: This Dumb Place

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What a year! Let’s talk about in this very loose episode. Come along!

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318: At the Speed of Snowplow!

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Winter in comic books is kinda… weird, right? Like it rarely happens, and when it does it always seems to be over after a single issue or story-arc. And as semi-northern Canadians, we have a podcast episode to pick with that! But as semi-northern Canadians, we also appreciate it whenever it happens! So join us on a wintery journey through the snow-filled superhero comics that stuck with us (we’ve got TMNT *and* X-Men!), the inadequacies of superhero costumes in winter (tell us, HOW do Spider-Man’s lenses not constantly fog up when he’s wearing a mask?), and we pitch some new comic story ideas to make up for an otherwise lack of winter realism. Plus: Hulk in a snowsuit!! That sounds brrrrr– uh, great!

But… what’s this!? We give wintertime “normal jobs” to three random comic characters: Moon Knight vs. Hockey Parents! Quicksilver turns into a tow truck… Turbo Teen style, even! Fantomah helps (and causes) icy car accidents! And we talk about all the wildest news, from an abruptly-cancelled Luke Cage miniseries, a new comic about Starship Hulk, and Saga’s live-action debut!

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317: Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye

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It’s HAWKEYE DAY!!!
Or Toga Hawkeye day.
Or Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye day.
Whatever. It’s Clint Barton Day (And Kate Bishop!). We’re celebrating the release of the Disney+ MCU Hawkeye series by talkin’ Hawkeye! The good, the bad, and the horrible (costumes in particular). We’re talking arrows, Avengers, West Coast Avengers, Thunderbolts and that time he was head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises.
We talk about Clint being the dick of the team but somehow still lovable. The infamous Fraction/Aja run.
And fart arrows. Yea. We go there.
All that and lots of news about Sexy Rudd, a new Shazam comic and Superman becoming Captain Britain!
And celery day. We’re still talking about celery day.

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316: Celery Day Stalkslam

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For thousands of years, the debate has raged: Christmas? Halloween? Which is the supreme holiday? Today we solve this decisively, once and for all, ion the typical manner of making a bunch of characters, each representing one of the two holidays, fight!

But first! We’ve got more “news” about the Ayer Cut, as well as the Diamond Distribution Hack and a new comic-based cartoon that just came out! Plus, we’re covering all of the Disney+ Day Marvel stuff in the Warmup!

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315: The Skrull Cows Show Up in This!

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You KNOW it’s serious when it’s superhero event time and “war” is in the title! Even though it happens with just alarming regularity, really. We dig deep into a wild variety of superhero war stories: The Kree-Skrull War, The Evolutionary War, and the Secret War (not that one)! Some will change comics forever, others will make absolutely no sense at all! But all will say something about the eras they were published in, from the swingin’ early ‘70s, the excessive late ‘80s, and the deeply cynical mid-2000s!

But that’s not all! We play a random-selection game to create all-new Amalgam characters between newer Marvel and DC characters! Hawkeye marketing pokes the hornet’s nest regarding Marvel and creator royalties! And Danny DeVito writes a Penguin comic!? He’s gonna play this stinkin’ podcast like a harp from hell!

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306: Third Time’s the Swarm!

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We haven’t seen Shang-Chi yet, so instead we’re doing another exciting LIGHTNING ROUND! Join us for so many mini-topics you’re guaranteed* to find something you love! Comic characters hosting podcasts! A quiz about quizzes! New kid sidekicks for Wolverine! New “Batman ’89” style comics based on long-dead comic movies! A remote-recorded version of a 1991 Marvel Trading Card game! A “Read This Now” profile on “Memetic” by James Tynion IV, Eryk Donovan and Adam Guzowski! Collection treasures that we regret selling or losing! And an all-new segment about comic characters’ kinks! We really ended the episode with that one! Listen, we can prove it!!

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305: I Am Iron Perlman

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It’s Multiverse Madness this week on Zero Issues!
From a new game called CHARACTER SMASH where we smushy smush two completely unrelated characters together to create new ridiculous (but highly marketable) characters, to the main topic where we each give multiple pitches on new splendiforous multiverse stories! Check out the Archie mirrorverse! See the Wolverine claw frenzy! Batman V Superman:The Legal Drama! The Michael Keatonverse! 3 Hawkeyes and a Jeremy Renner! And so much more (well at least 2 more). All that plus news as Spider-Man:No Way Home leaks! Also some Batman leakage (ew). And hear Bry’s gripping tale of how Hellboy bankrupted Marvel in the 90’s. All true! Really! Listen and find out!

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