Newsflash time! It’s Al Jaffee! It’s Turtles and Teens! It’s your grandma and her original hips at 84, and so is Marvel! And Antarctica! 
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teenage mutant ninja turtles
331: Low-Cal Batzone Zone
Coming to a theatre near you: crappy tie-in products! This week, we go over some of the best, worst, and most notorious tie-in junk that gets attached to comics and movies: from Baskin Robbins’ Hydra Force Sundae, to Watchmen condoms, to the Howard the Duck call-in line that definitely isn’t a sex thing (and if it is, big whoop, right?); there’s been some real air balls courtesy of our good friends at Synergy Ltd.!
But first! We’ve got Jon Bernthal-adjacent Punisher news (this episode was recorded before the announcement that Netflix was losing its’ Marvel original shows, whoops!), and a fast food-themed CharacterStorm! All that and Grimace!
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253: Peril at Castle Snyder
We really meant for this episode to be all about Mike Mignola, we did! But then Bry and Kyle were told of a secret screening of the Snyder Cut that was happening out at a private country estate, and… no wait, that’s the Chooses the Doozes story/game that Merk puts his cohosts in this week! What mysteries will BryKy oncover? What traps has Merk laid in waiting for them? What is Gal Gadot’s speaking voice? All that and also some news, this week!
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234: The Shredder’s a Real Blanche
30 years ago, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was unleashed on the world! To comic fans of a, uh, certain age, this movie was a definitive cinema experience. But a lifetime later, how does it hold up? We discuss the legacy of this indie comics classic, compare it to the TMNT’s later adaptations, discuss its standing amongst the incredible growth of comic movies since, talk about our favourite moments, the bodacious cast, those Henson Company animatronic suits, a bunch of production trivia and goofs, little-known deleted scenes, and SO much more. It’s… Bossanova? …Chevy Nova? (Excellent!!)
Get your dose of Turtle Power in a very special Z-E-R-O ISSUES PODCAST!
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220: 2019 Shrieking to a Close
2019 sure has been a year… and continues to be, as a whole slew of comic and pop-culture news hits right before the end! So to get it all out of our systems, it’s an all-news episode!! Marvel Studios consumes Marvel Television! Orlando Jones is fired from “American Gods”! Eastman & Laird reunite! Donald Trump goes full Thanos (well… more than usual)! Plus lots of movie and television and, whoa, even comic announcements!? Neat!! Join us as we react to and comment on all this… and more!!
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209: Ditko Sandwiches!!
It’s Comics Cards Against Humanity time once again! We pit even more of our original questions and answers against each other in a match that isn’t safe for children, or work, or well-adjusted human minds! But first, in honour of Batman Day-Week-Month-Year-Life, we’ve got all the Bat-news you can Bat-handle! And Merk shares some of the lessons he learned while finally watching “Dark Phoenix”!
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189: But Wait… There’s More! or: Danny Needs More Pudding
Believe it or not, other movies than Avengers: Endgame exist! But not every comic movie can be a billion-dollar hit, so this week we spare a little love for the underdogs, the forgotten ones, the… uh, the Jonah Hexes? Then we catch up on some other recent comic movies we missed, whether that means finally getting around to Aquaman, being charmed(?) by Shazam!, and being among the few to see the Hellboy reboot! AND Merk challenges Kyle & Bry to a comic movie box office quiz! That sounds fun AND educational! That’s right, it’s edufunctional!
But first: a controversial event-comic twist turns ugly prompting us have a few words about harassment and threats in fandom, and we talk about the current state of comic conventions in the wake of Central Canada Comic-Con’s cancellation.
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160: Phish Speaks to Aquaman
This week it’s all about music in comics! We talk about some existing fictional bands, assemble an X-Men rock supergroup, make just… so many bad superhero music gags, and compile a complete ‘80s soundtrack for the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics. And even sing a few songs! It’s musical madness up in here!!
Also! Some very big news, including the upcoming Batwoman TV series! A “Read This Now” about a surprisingly special Aliens licensed comic! And we create a five-course meal based on ‘90s DC heroes!
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“Face it Tiger” by Married with Sea Monsters (as The Mary Janes)
134: The Human E-Meter
This week the boys take a look at probably nobody’s favourite Avenger, Triathalon, and try to find a way to make the much-unloved character better! There are at least two really solid ideas in here, we promise!
Also: We sort through a Completely Objective ranking of the worst-to-best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles songs, and then pitch a smorgasbord of inevitable (and inevitably ridiculous) licensed comic crossovers! And you know that means Ash, Garfield, Howard the Duck, and more Kurt Russells than you can count!
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Advent Calendar 12: Turtles
It’s Bry’s birthday, so we’re marking the occasion by letting him finally do the episode he’s been waiting all year to do: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Why does Bry (and so many people, let’s face it) love these guys so much? What has made what started as a black and white indie book drawn by two guys parodying Daredevil into a global franchise that’s been going strong for thirty years? And really, which one is Bry’s favourite? All this and more on today’s Zero Issues Advent Calendar!
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