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251: 3 Scary Stories

Hell-o, my little ghoulies and gobloids! It is I, the Crypt Haver, ready to deliver you another tale of… oh, what? It’s a Lightning Round episode? They don’t really talk about scary stuff at all, except for one of the ten segments in the episode? Really? The rest is all about giving super heroes branding slogans, or a weird mid-’80s Avengers issue that Merk read, or a frank discussion of what Batman’s favourite song is?

Well, fine.

I’m still getting paid, right?

(With apologies to Bry: I couldn’t find the knife man you were talking about, so I used the album art for celebrated folk punk band AJJ’s 2011 release, Knife Man)

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244: Superman, Your Kid’s a Nerd!


It’s that time of year again! No not to get your fishin’ license and go looking for Aquaman! It’s Father’s Day this weekend! So we look at superhero dads who you may not have known had gone out & made a baby…. or two… or three… or 45 in the case of Wolverine. Is deadbeat dad his new mutation?!? We talk about that and kids from Superman, Batman, Colossus (Are you my papa, tovarisch?) and many more. We debate whether Tony Stark had a vasectomy at 25 or developed an extremis condom. Either is possible. And yes, we actually discuss it. We’re nerds. We also have a warm up bit with a game of 20 questions, and lots of news including Spiderman at the BLM protests, the police bizarrely using the Punisher logo, the new DC distribution deal and the sad passing of a comics legend, Denny O’ Neil. 

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236: Wonder Man is Your Responsibility

This week, we figure out who is the first among first among equals, with a very scientific, Tony Robbins-endorsed, leader-off! Cyclops, Nightwing, Captain America, Storm, Superman, Mister Fantastic, Black Panther: which one would you follow into battle? The answer may shock you!

Plus, we’ve absolutely lost our minds, and the news shows it.

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235: 3 Rosenbaums and a Snyder Cut

Well Easter just went by so it’s time for the boys to take a look at comic characters that come back from the dead….. so basically everyone. But they do explore the hilarity of a few like Jean Grey (obviously), Thor, Superman, Xavier (why do his kids keep killing him?), Bucky, Jason Todd, Aunt May and everyone’s favourite MR IMMORTAL!! We also take on a topic suggested by a listener, Manuel, where we delve into the monopoly that is Diamond Distribution. All that plus Didio talks New 52 & Rebirth, Comicsgate silliness and the amazing Marsha Cooke, and Michael Rosenbaum, Rosenbaum, ROSENBAUM!!! Join us (from an appropriate distance) won’t you?

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225: As Long as Jon Cryer gets Punched in the Face

Let’s ARROWVERSE the %^$# out of this! Crisis! The end of Arrow (Bry is ecstatic!). A spoiler filled exploration of the CW trainwreck that we kinda like…. kinda….. plus so much more! The Marvel Hulu debacle! Obi Wan does Weekend at Bernies! Old Man Picard! Old Man Gambit! CW beard! Spectre Crackhead! Luke Wilson is hot again! We go gagga over Brandon Routh’s hot bod! Kyle has a new game and it’s got Burt Ward all over it. And real life intrudes! Kyle is stuck on the highway and calls it in! Will he get to the show?!?! Will he make it out alive!?!? Or will he be the shell of a man?!?!? Tune in! Same ZERO ISSUE time! Same ZERO ISSUE channel!

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222: Hindsight and 2020

And just like that, 2019 is over, and 2020 is upon us! Last year, we made a whooooole bunch of predictions for how 2019 was going to go, and now it’s time to crack open that audio time capsule and see how well it bears out, along with making some new predictions for this year! Did…did we get anything right? We did? Cool!

Plus: what better way to start a new decade than with Character Storm?

Minus: news this week, as nothing has happened yet this year. Nothing!

 

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218: Death by a Thousand Snyder Cuts

Release the Snyder Cut! I guess! There’s somehow still talk of this thing (possibly more talk, even), so this week, we’re coming up with our own Snyder Cuts. How do you fix a movie like Justice League, anyway? And how could you fix other movies in the same way?

Plus, we’re talking about comic book piracy. When indie books are being downloaded by the hundreds of thousands, and the creators are broke, is that cool? On the flipside, comic books are damned expensive, dawg. Like, real ‘spensive. We solve this problem*!

All that, and Kyle manages to contribute to the news for once.

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*we do not

 

 

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216: Hawkman’s Pal Doug

Y’know those pals who are, like… un-super pals? This week we’re talking about the friends, the sidekicks, the hangers-on of the superhero stars! Whether they’re teen sidekicks for the kids to relate to, or middle-aged schlubs for the writer of the comic to relate to, they’ve been loitering around the panels for decades! So in their honour, let’s: Find some new powerless pals for famous superheroes! Pitch a new “League of Losers” team (are you listening, Mr. Bendis?)! Have a friggin’ RICK JONES QUIZ! Snap into action!!

Plus, news! The Snyder Cut keeps threatening to be released! An X-Man is a Canadian Member of Parliament! “Joker” has made a bunch of money! Ben Mendelsohn makes us bleep ourselves! And maybe even more!?

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210: Flowers for Dick

Ruination! This week, we set out to ruin some of our favourite characters. Kinda like all those times that we’ve tried to fix characters that haven’t gotten their fair shake, but the opposite. Moon Knight, Thor, and Nightwing are so screwed after this (assuming that Marvel ,and DC listen to this podcast [they won’t]).

We’ve got that, plus: more CW Crisis news (this thing needs more cameos, I say), and some more new Amalgam characters! Let’s get ruined!

 

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209: Ditko Sandwiches!!

It’s Comics Cards Against Humanity time once again! We pit even more of our original questions and answers against each other in a match that isn’t safe for children, or work, or well-adjusted human minds! But first, in honour of Batman Day-Week-Month-Year-Life, we’ve got all the Bat-news you can Bat-handle! And Merk shares some of the lessons he learned while finally watching “Dark Phoenix”!

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