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319: 400 Heads in a Bag

Three grown men talking about action figures, that’s what audiences crave, right? Because that’s what we’re doing this week! We lament over the loss of REAL Hulk Hands, and come up with some great new toys for kids of all ages, from 18 to 118!

But first: news about Dark Horse taking over Star Wars, Danny Devito taking on Penguin writing duties, and JK Simmons taking over the world. And then, a very special quiz from our very special birthday boy, Bry!

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318: At the Speed of Snowplow!

Winter in comic books is kinda… weird, right? Like it rarely happens, and when it does it always seems to be over after a single issue or story-arc. And as semi-northern Canadians, we have a podcast episode to pick with that! But as semi-northern Canadians, we also appreciate it whenever it happens! So join us on a wintery journey through the snow-filled superhero comics that stuck with us (we’ve got TMNT *and* X-Men!), the inadequacies of superhero costumes in winter (tell us, HOW do Spider-Man’s lenses not constantly fog up when he’s wearing a mask?), and we pitch some new comic story ideas to make up for an otherwise lack of winter realism. Plus: Hulk in a snowsuit!! That sounds brrrrr– uh, great!

But… what’s this!? We give wintertime “normal jobs” to three random comic characters: Moon Knight vs. Hockey Parents! Quicksilver turns into a tow truck… Turbo Teen style, even! Fantomah helps (and causes) icy car accidents! And we talk about all the wildest news, from an abruptly-cancelled Luke Cage miniseries, a new comic about Starship Hulk, and Saga’s live-action debut!

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317: Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye

It’s HAWKEYE DAY!!!
Or Toga Hawkeye day.
Or Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye day.
Whatever. It’s Clint Barton Day (And Kate Bishop!). We’re celebrating the release of the Disney+ MCU Hawkeye series by talkin’ Hawkeye! The good, the bad, and the horrible (costumes in particular). We’re talking arrows, Avengers, West Coast Avengers, Thunderbolts and that time he was head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises.
We talk about Clint being the dick of the team but somehow still lovable. The infamous Fraction/Aja run.
And fart arrows. Yea. We go there.
All that and lots of news about Sexy Rudd, a new Shazam comic and Superman becoming Captain Britain!
And celery day. We’re still talking about celery day.

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316: Celery Day Stalkslam

For thousands of years, the debate has raged: Christmas? Halloween? Which is the supreme holiday? Today we solve this decisively, once and for all, ion the typical manner of making a bunch of characters, each representing one of the two holidays, fight!

But first! We’ve got more “news” about the Ayer Cut, as well as the Diamond Distribution Hack and a new comic-based cartoon that just came out! Plus, we’re covering all of the Disney+ Day Marvel stuff in the Warmup!

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315: The Skrull Cows Show Up in This!

You KNOW it’s serious when it’s superhero event time and “war” is in the title! Even though it happens with just alarming regularity, really. We dig deep into a wild variety of superhero war stories: The Kree-Skrull War, The Evolutionary War, and the Secret War (not that one)! Some will change comics forever, others will make absolutely no sense at all! But all will say something about the eras they were published in, from the swingin’ early ‘70s, the excessive late ‘80s, and the deeply cynical mid-2000s!

But that’s not all! We play a random-selection game to create all-new Amalgam characters between newer Marvel and DC characters! Hawkeye marketing pokes the hornet’s nest regarding Marvel and creator royalties! And Danny DeVito writes a Penguin comic!? He’s gonna play this stinkin’ podcast like a harp from hell!

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314: Let’s Clean Out the Old Newshole

Well we had a fun & spooky month but now…. it’s back to business.
On to the news!
A lot has happened in comic book/film news so we dive right in with Marvel’s problems with Penguin/Random House distribution, Image Comic’s startling decision about reprints, the bisexual Superman ‘controversy’, Bill Murray being… well… Bill Murray, Spiderman Far from Home rumours, Steven DeKnight astonished by the miscreant Akira Yoshida, Brendan Fraser double DC duty, McFarlane toys Bathorse…… and Owen Wilson as a centaur!
And don’t miss the news intermission with Kyle’s classic ‘Hulk out or Fake out’!
It’s 10 alarm chili time on Zero Issues!

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313: Free with the Thistles

Submitted for the approval of the audience, I call this story The Tale of the Cactus that Loved…. To Kill.

*throws Iced tea mix on an open fire*

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312: Morbius, Morbius, Morbius, and Kevin Bacon

The Spooky Month continues, and this week it’s our spookiest trick yet – fixing a character! Namely, good ol’ living vampire Michael “Morbius” Morbius! Now Morbius is a perfectly fine science vampire, but for some reason we just can’t sink our teeth into the character as much as we’d like. So Merk, Bry ’n Kyle all reinvent the character in their own weird ways! So bite into this episode for some royal vampire intrigue, a cavern of underground monsters, and all the Australian blood and quokkas you can handle! Bwah! Plasma!!

But, oh no! The DC Fandome has descended on our podcast once more! To escape, we must discuss a bunch of the new DC movie teasers and decide which one looks the coolest! And we’re running out of air in here! Listen fast!

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311: Man Man and Bat Bat

It’s the spooky month and we’re feelin’ like it’s time for a little power records! Y’know, those amazing comics on a 45 record from the 70’s?
Time for MAN-BAT! Or is it MAN-MAN? Or BAT-BAT? Listen and (probably don’t) find out!
So much action! So much weird dialogue!
Hear the origin of Man-Bat and how horrible he is to his wife.
Hear about the puppy gang and our short obsession with RC Cola.
And our Lil’ Zero spinoff series!
This and so much more (well, not THAT much more. It’s a short episode.)
Join us, won’t you? 

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310: The Goal was Always to Eat the Sandwich

Hey, kids! You like them Squid Games, right? Battle Royale-type stuff? Well then, have we got an episode for you. Watch as our contestants battle over half a sandwich, karaoke, explaining the plot of Tenet, and more!

Plus, we’ve got a CharacterBREW, and news about Boba Fett, Ben Reilly, and…uh…Marvel enacting distribution deadline changes. Weird, wild stuff!

Just let the poor boy eat the sandwich, guys.

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