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318: At the Speed of Snowplow!

Winter in comic books is kinda… weird, right? Like it rarely happens, and when it does it always seems to be over after a single issue or story-arc. And as semi-northern Canadians, we have a podcast episode to pick with that! But as semi-northern Canadians, we also appreciate it whenever it happens! So join us on a wintery journey through the snow-filled superhero comics that stuck with us (we’ve got TMNT *and* X-Men!), the inadequacies of superhero costumes in winter (tell us, HOW do Spider-Man’s lenses not constantly fog up when he’s wearing a mask?), and we pitch some new comic story ideas to make up for an otherwise lack of winter realism. Plus: Hulk in a snowsuit!! That sounds brrrrr– uh, great!

But… what’s this!? We give wintertime “normal jobs” to three random comic characters: Moon Knight vs. Hockey Parents! Quicksilver turns into a tow truck… Turbo Teen style, even! Fantomah helps (and causes) icy car accidents! And we talk about all the wildest news, from an abruptly-cancelled Luke Cage miniseries, a new comic about Starship Hulk, and Saga’s live-action debut!

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315: The Skrull Cows Show Up in This!

You KNOW it’s serious when it’s superhero event time and “war” is in the title! Even though it happens with just alarming regularity, really. We dig deep into a wild variety of superhero war stories: The Kree-Skrull War, The Evolutionary War, and the Secret War (not that one)! Some will change comics forever, others will make absolutely no sense at all! But all will say something about the eras they were published in, from the swingin’ early ‘70s, the excessive late ‘80s, and the deeply cynical mid-2000s!

But that’s not all! We play a random-selection game to create all-new Amalgam characters between newer Marvel and DC characters! Hawkeye marketing pokes the hornet’s nest regarding Marvel and creator royalties! And Danny DeVito writes a Penguin comic!? He’s gonna play this stinkin’ podcast like a harp from hell!

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310: The Goal was Always to Eat the Sandwich

Hey, kids! You like them Squid Games, right? Battle Royale-type stuff? Well then, have we got an episode for you. Watch as our contestants battle over half a sandwich, karaoke, explaining the plot of Tenet, and more!

Plus, we’ve got a CharacterBREW, and news about Boba Fett, Ben Reilly, and…uh…Marvel enacting distribution deadline changes. Weird, wild stuff!

Just let the poor boy eat the sandwich, guys.

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308: Magneto of Green Gables

It’s a big election week this week in ol’ Canada, so the boys have decided to talk politics! No! Come back! It’s us! We’re ridiculous about it and it all involves comic books!
How would Batman vote?
What comic characters would take over & run a small eastern block nation?
And we discuss Magneto taking Prince Edward Island for his own.
This and SO MUCH MORE!!! Really… there’s a lot.
We warm up with a new game of ‘Explain this to me’ where Merk asks the others to explain things they know little (or nothing) about.
And of course the news! Mignola returns! Marvel Action Line does not!
Captain Krakoa…. is a thing. A Twisted Metal tv show is on the way! And Hit Monkey is actually going to happen!
So take some ‘Mackie Time’ and hang with us for a bit. 

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307: Wayne Knight’s Driving the Van

Once again, we are settling age old comic book debates this week. Is The Punisher a villain? What’s better, Kirby’s Marvel work or his DC work? Has Shazam always just been a Superman ripoff? Those questions and exactly three others will be answered.

Plus! We rank the various Sinster Six…es that have existed to find who among them is the most sinister, cover the ongoing Joe Bennett scandal, and rejoice that Gwensborn isn’t canon anymore.

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306: Third Time’s the Swarm!

We haven’t seen Shang-Chi yet, so instead we’re doing another exciting LIGHTNING ROUND! Join us for so many mini-topics you’re guaranteed* to find something you love! Comic characters hosting podcasts! A quiz about quizzes! New kid sidekicks for Wolverine! New “Batman ’89” style comics based on long-dead comic movies! A remote-recorded version of a 1991 Marvel Trading Card game! A “Read This Now” profile on “Memetic” by James Tynion IV, Eryk Donovan and Adam Guzowski! Collection treasures that we regret selling or losing! And an all-new segment about comic characters’ kinks! We really ended the episode with that one! Listen, we can prove it!!

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305: I Am Iron Perlman

It’s Multiverse Madness this week on Zero Issues!
From a new game called CHARACTER SMASH where we smushy smush two completely unrelated characters together to create new ridiculous (but highly marketable) characters, to the main topic where we each give multiple pitches on new splendiforous multiverse stories! Check out the Archie mirrorverse! See the Wolverine claw frenzy! Batman V Superman:The Legal Drama! The Michael Keatonverse! 3 Hawkeyes and a Jeremy Renner! And so much more (well at least 2 more). All that plus news as Spider-Man:No Way Home leaks! Also some Batman leakage (ew). And hear Bry’s gripping tale of how Hellboy bankrupted Marvel in the 90’s. All true! Really! Listen and find out!

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303: What If… Venom was a Cool Jacket?

To celebrate the launch of “WHAT IF…?” on Disney+, we cook up some “what if” questions of our own! Come with us to explore alternate worlds where… The Vision was made by Apple or Microsoft! The Phoenix Force chose Wolverine over Cyclops! The Venom symbiote took over the Fantastic Four! And much more!! At least twice as many more.

But there’s also news! Such news! Substack is the new Image as the hottest creators make the leap to a new platform! The world reacts as Tim Drake, A Robin, explores his sexuality! And hey, did anyone ask for a quiz about Uatu the Watcher?? Because you’d better believe we’ve got it, friends!

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300: Somebody Says Something Stupid and That’s the Title

WOW!! 300 episodes!! It’s a big moment for these three little nerd boys, so to celebrate talking about comics for 300 maniacal podcast episodes, we do something a little different and ply deep into each other’s psyches with a list of questions….. to discover just how geeky we are. So 5 questions each from the three of us and then we put the call out…. ‘Ask us anything! Give us your queries!’…. and BOY, DID YOU!!! And we answered ALL OF THEM!!!! Plus: if you sent in a question, you were entered to win an art prize pack from the three amigos here! So join us, won’t you, for a (slightly) extra long episode of wackiness and reflection and deep dive comics madness! (and check out our special homage to godfather Todd’s iconic Amazing Spider-Man #300)

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298: It was a Fear Demon

This week’s episode was all about Black Widow and Loki, and had huge spoilers for both, but then a fear demon showed up, and now it’s all about retcons! From Puck originally being 6’6″, to Hal Jordan not really being a dick after all, to Norman Osborn and Gwen Stacy getting all Brazzersy, sometimes comic creators make some very, hmm, interesting choices. So we gripe about them!

Also, more news than you can handle; and in the Warmup, we try to figure out where to put all of these comics before they trap us like Principal Skinner in the classic Simpsons episode “Bart the Murderer”.

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