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303: What If… Venom was a Cool Jacket?

To celebrate the launch of “WHAT IF…?” on Disney+, we cook up some “what if” questions of our own! Come with us to explore alternate worlds where… The Vision was made by Apple or Microsoft! The Phoenix Force chose Wolverine over Cyclops! The Venom symbiote took over the Fantastic Four! And much more!! At least twice as many more.

But there’s also news! Such news! Substack is the new Image as the hottest creators make the leap to a new platform! The world reacts as Tim Drake, A Robin, explores his sexuality! And hey, did anyone ask for a quiz about Uatu the Watcher?? Because you’d better believe we’ve got it, friends!

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286: Stardust and the Burger King Kids Club

JOIN US! For another action-packed dramatic reading from the Tome of Fletcher Hanks! In another inexplicable STARDUST adventure, our daring hero tackles the sinister FIFTH COLUMN, using his secret weapon: CHILD ENDANGERMENT! Magnets are installed! Winged bombs fly! Unsettling costumes are worn! All this and more! So hop inside your Tubular Spatial and stand up for even-numbered columns everywhere! Brought to you by our keen sponsor: Rose N Crantz Coffee! (Use the promo code zeroissues to save 10%!)

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268: He’s Oofing and Socking and Whacking and Banging

It’s time for another exciting, lumberjack filled, rocket levering, punchin’ and jabberjawin’ dramatic read with Big Red McLane-King of the Northwoods!! From the bizarre mind of Fletcher Hanks, we take you into the northwoods with our dramatic radio play like skills! This week it’s the villainy of ‘The Monk’ as he, for some absolutely unknown reason, kidnaps lumberjacks to force them into suicidal, experimental rocket missions! Yup. Need a rocket to blow up right? Get a lumberjack! Join us for the hilarity.

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257: We’d Just Have to Take a Bunch of Peyote and Go For It

It’s DRAMATIC READ time once again as we wrap ourselves in the warm, strange blanket that is Fletcher Hanks and his gigantic hero STARDUST the SUPER WIZARD!!!! Follow along as Stardust crushes people’s torsos with one hand! Avoids a dangerous glue trap! And meet the most dangerous villain you’ve never heard of RIP-THE-BLOOD!! I swear…. we didn’t make this up. This is an actual story. And a bonus…. we have a companion video for this episode so you can WATCH and follow along! You can SEE Fletcher Hanks’ crazy creations and watch all of us busting a gut laughing! Find us under ‘Zero Issues’ on the youtubes!

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238: The Lumberjack Buddy Cop Movie


This week is a delight! We return for another dramatic reading of a Fletcher Hanks masterpiece…. not one, but TWO Big Red McLane stories! Big Red McLane: King of the Northwoods! Let’s go lumberjackin’ eh?! These are hilarious. The engrossing absurdity of Fletcher Hanks is something everyone needs to experience. Join us as we talk about the Teenage Mutant Lumberjack Turtles, have a returning visit from Thomas Haden Church, discuss whether one fictional character makes something Cancon and come up with the greatest Canadian crossover event EVER….. BIG RED MCLANE and the LOG DRIVER’S WALTZ!!! Join us, won’t you?

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205: He Who Deals It Will Smeals It

The boys are back with a half hour episode packed with peanut brittle (or peanut buttle cry according to Bry), news about the New Mutants flic, Dr Doom, and Venom 2! Join us for a game of Character Storm where we make up characters on the spot based on ridiculous names (are you ready for G.R.O.N.G.? Because G.R.O.N.G. is ready for you!). And the maino topico this week is a trusty ol’ dramatic read of a trusty ol’ Fletcher Hanks comic from the 40’s. Meet Fantomah, Mistress of the Jungle!! Oh and Thomas Haden Church is back again. Can’t get enough of that THC!

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199: Giant Watcher Baby Head

Take this podcast to the moon! To, uh, celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission, we’re talking all about the moon in comics! Who’s lived there! Who’s the moon god’s avatar! Who took a rock from the moon and then turned into a werewolf sometimes, for reasons! And what would be the reality of writing your name on the moon, anyway? It’s lunar madness, we tell ya!

But that’s not all! We tackle the “end” of Mad Magazine, Paper Girls being adapted for TV, the rebirth of Hellblazer, art swiping allegations against Arthur Suydam (and the great “homage vs. stealing” debate), the continuing controversy around police using the Punisher symbol, and then we perform a dramatic reading of a Fletcher Hanks… classic. All that, AND a poem!? Wow, this episode is as big as the moon!

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192: Of Televisional Crime-Detecting Units & Radiophonic Thought-Recording Rays

Zounds! Once again we dig into the Fletcher Hanks Bible to perform a mind-bending dramatic reading from the adventures of the Super Wizard Stardust! This time, ol’ Dusty goes up against a mad scientist who plans to reverse the Earth’s gravity in a scheme to have all the world’s automobiles and ships to himself! (A description can’t do it justice, trust us.)

Also! In honour of Brightburn, we pitch some movie ideas that give a horror twist to other beloved superheroes! And in the news: which X-Men are dead now? (Or which AREN’T at this point?)

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175: Don’t Be ‘Space’ Smith

It’s another trip into the trippy brain of Fletcher Hanks as we do a dramatic reading of one of the adventures of ‘SPACE’ SMITH!!! Guest staring self care sunday Groot! Listen as ‘Space’ panics at every point! Learn how checkers may have something to do with flying a spaceship! Drop in for this short listen…. because if this story was any longer…. zoiks…. I don’t think we’d make it.

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