Happy January the 10th! This week, we’re talking about what we want in the world of comics this year. They aren’t big asks! We simply request that maybe the Big Two don’t turn everything into an event, tell smaller, more intimate stories, and leave space for the ever-expanding small press companies! Also, make Spider-Man good again, Bry can’t take much more.
And in the Warmup, we talk about not only the dumb (or not! They can also be not dumb!) comic book tattoos that we have, as well as suggesting dumb tattoos FOR comic books.
2023 is almost over! And while many of us may feel it was a pretty crummy year, a lot of good stuff happened too! And as is our usual custom, we’re gonna talk all about ’em! Bad Space! Conan! My Adventures With Superman! The Many Deaths of Laila Starr! Dead Romans! Do a Powerbomb! Space Usagi! Nightwing! Godzilla vs. Justice League! Godzilla Minus One! Godzilla Raids Again? And… even more Godzilla talk!? It’s just a great time for Godzilla, it must be said.
But first there’s some fairly breaking news in the assault conviction and prompt firing of Jonathan Majors, fresh off his last appearance as a version of Kang in LOKI. What happens now? Does Marvel Studios recast the role? Do they move on to another villain like Magneto, Doctor Doom, Galactus, the Beyonder, the Superior Iron Man? Will more old friends return for the Secret Wars? Will Deadpool fix all this, somehow!? 2024’s all yours, Ry-Ry!
It’s HOLIDAY time, folks! So we have a special Christmas episode on Zero Issues… where Kyle & Merk send Bry on a mission with an impossible gift list…. and then they talk about comic characters. Because THAT’S what the spirit of Christmas is all about! What would Guy Gardiner or Hawkgirl ask for Christmas? Or Iron Man? Or Cap? Or Capwolf? How many Capwolves does it take to make a nice coat? Is Raphael’s sai stabby, or slicey, or pokey? Does Abe Sapien make his own gravy? And can Daredevil hear an STI? All this and MORE on yet another weird, wild and wacky CHRISTMAS WITH ZERO ISSUES!
It’s Bry’s birthday! To celebrate, Merk and Kyle recount Bry’s origin story. Kung Fu Reptiles! Secret brothers! Alien origins! Teen sidekicks! So much stuff that we didn’t know, but hey, we will now!
Also, a Bry quiz! Also, a second Bry quiz! One of them may be a Cosmo quiz. And, and! We cram Bry into all sorts of hands. I mean super heroes..’s hands.
412: When You Have Optic Blasts, Every Problem is a Nail
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Oh no, I missed mean ol’ Professor Xavier’s class last week, and now we’re all stuck in detention! And he’s forcing the whole class to judge his original five students against each other by some very scientific criteria: Powers! Fighting skill! Teamwork! Good roommate qualities! Teenage angst! Hanging a wall photo! Hosting a Canadian talk show a la Mike Bullard! Tax evasion! And MORE! So pull up a chair and listen along as we definitively rank the first class of The X-Men, and in the process decide once and for all which of these five Old Mutants is the worst original X-Man of all! Is it Angel? There’s only one way to find out!!
And in the warm-up, we finally talk about The Marvels! What did we think of the latest chapter of the never-ending MCU? Did it deserve better than the box office delivered? What does it under-performance say about the state of superhero cinema and its ever-growing budgets and profit projections? How does it line up in The Timeline vis-a-vis Disney+’s Marvel’s “Secret Invasion”? Does Captain Marvel fight Shao Khan!? And where’d all those Flerken go? Let’s talk all about it!
It’s CELERY SLAM 3!!! The super popular and not at all made up by us annual event between Halloween & Christmas when characters associated with each of those holidays go head to head in a battle of … celery… or something. 4 characters from each in a round robin tournament battle to the last! Who will be champion? The Headless Horseman? The Ice Master (of Hostess Fruit Pie ad fame)? Multiple Santa? Join us for a riveting, caffeine fueled WAR OF THE AGES!!
Robert Kirkman spilled a big ol’ pile of beans this week, but were these beans prefried? The writer revealed in an interview that Steven Yuen has been cast as The Sentry in the upcoming Thunderbolts film, but I feel like we all have kinda known that since February.
Speaking of casting news/rumors/the blurry line between the two, rumor has it that Pedro Pascal is Reed Richards? And Javier Bardem is Galactus? And it’s all going to be practical effects? Fascinating if true! There’s also been talk about pumping the brakes on Kang and multiverse stuff, but if that’s the case, sure is a shame that they have been focusing on the multiverse for years at this point. Like, they named the “saga” after it. Also, with a little more MCU goss: shocking no one, Armor Wars and the FF movie were announced at the time because Disney had an investors day thingie coming up, and so had to show something.
In comic news which may also just be a rumor, is Gail Simone going to be taking over X-Men once the House of X has fallen, the Powers of X have risen, and the X-Ray Spex have tex mex sex with Lexx, the sentient space ship? She’s writing a Free Comic Book Day X-Men thing, but that’s not until May, which seems…odd.
In comic news that’s real, real I say! Our best friend Chip Zdarsky is writing Joker: Year One, which is a three-parter that’s coming out soon, and Greg Weisman is writing Spectacular Spider-Men! This news is both spectacular, and hilarious, but hilarious in a sinister way.
And last but not least, Merry Little Batman, everyone, and to all a good Bat.
410: A Human-Shaped Cockroach Boy (and other Captain Marvels)
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If you thought putting three Marvels in one movie was a feat, this podcast has like seven times as many Marvels! Comics have a long history of using and re-using the name “Captain Marvel” for a wide variety of entirely separate characters — and in occasionally legally-dubious ways — so let’s talk about ‘em! From the original Fawcett Comics “Shazam!”-shouting Captain, to the limb-splitting weirdo from M.F. Enterprises, to the trademark-conquering Mar-Vell at Marvel Comics, then the photon-tastic Monica Rambeau, then kind of a rapidly revolving door before Carol Danvers finally claimed the title once and for all. And then there are the variants! Why, there may just be more Captain Marvels (Captains Marvel?) than you ever knew!
Plus: we talk a bit about the recent video game Hellboy: Web of Wyrd, inspired by and styled after the original Mike Mignola comics and starring the late, great Lance Reddick! Is it worth a play? And how does it stack up to Hellboy’s history in video games to date? (It’s a low bar to clear to be the best!)
It’s Kyle’s birthday so Bry & Merk decide to FINALLY reveal his secret origin! Hear about Baby Beard Kyle! Ol’ hickory eyes Lees they called him. Hear about his crime fighting career as Sneeze Lees and his sidekick Tooters. So many twists and turns, but remember…. .with great sneezing power comes great sneezing re-ponzablity.
Join us won’t you?
There’s a new Spider-Man swinging his way onto the pages of your comics, and this one’s married, just like you nerds have been crying about for the last ten years! Well, okay, not exactly like you’ve been crying about, but close enough for you.
DC launched a new imprint, DC Compact, with the goal of making sure Alan Moore never gets the rights back to Watchmen. Also, the goal of beating manga in the “selling small, thick books for a lower pirce” game. The first goal is a a given, but the second? Only time will tell.
Also, the sky is falling at the MCU, everyone’s doomed, everything’s the worst. What happened, and what’s happening now? We try to unpack that, just a little bit.
Finally, Superman and Lois is getting one more season to wrap things up. It’s real nice that it didn’t just get outright cancelled, so let’s see how that goes! And let’s see…oh my gosh, Lex Luthor? What a shock!
