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321: Dracula vs. the Christmas Vampire Goat

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It’s that wonderful holiday season once again! And once again… it’s kind of a weird one. So let’s get weird! Listen and read along with us as we react to another ’70s Power Records performance, this time of Tomb of Dracula #19 by Marvel Wolfman & Gene Colan! Dracula and Rachel van Helsing are trapped on the Transylvanian Alps in the middle of a snowstorm! Um, on the way to a Christmas party! Sure, let’s go with that. Will they manage to escape the treacherous mountain and/or kill each other? The only things standing in their way: wooden bullets, a helicopter crash, regular bullets, and Dracula’s greatest enemy… A GOAT!

Sync up the following video with the 3:29 mark of the podcast for the full effect! Or if you’ve got a copy of the comic in your back-issue bins, unseal that bad boy and read along!

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320: The Mole Man and The Pole Man

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It’s that time o’ the season and the boys love to make up their own comic stories…. so …. it’s time for Christmas Comics Pitch! Each of them come up with their own weird and wonderful comic book for the season. From a certain notorious X-Family holiday get together, to a decidedly mutated version of a Christmas classic, to a monstrous adventure for a certain jolly guy and his reindeer, we have your holiday comic fix here. All that and a quiz on a comics legend, and a delightful mishmosh of newsy news! Join us. We’ll bring the nog.

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319: 400 Heads in a Bag

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Three grown men talking about action figures, that’s what audiences crave, right? Because that’s what we’re doing this week! We lament over the loss of REAL Hulk Hands, and come up with some great new toys for kids of all ages, from 18 to 118!

But first: news about Dark Horse taking over Star Wars, Danny Devito taking on Penguin writing duties, and JK Simmons taking over the world. And then, a very special quiz from our very special birthday boy, Bry!

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318: At the Speed of Snowplow!

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Winter in comic books is kinda… weird, right? Like it rarely happens, and when it does it always seems to be over after a single issue or story-arc. And as semi-northern Canadians, we have a podcast episode to pick with that! But as semi-northern Canadians, we also appreciate it whenever it happens! So join us on a wintery journey through the snow-filled superhero comics that stuck with us (we’ve got TMNT *and* X-Men!), the inadequacies of superhero costumes in winter (tell us, HOW do Spider-Man’s lenses not constantly fog up when he’s wearing a mask?), and we pitch some new comic story ideas to make up for an otherwise lack of winter realism. Plus: Hulk in a snowsuit!! That sounds brrrrr– uh, great!

But… what’s this!? We give wintertime “normal jobs” to three random comic characters: Moon Knight vs. Hockey Parents! Quicksilver turns into a tow truck… Turbo Teen style, even! Fantomah helps (and causes) icy car accidents! And we talk about all the wildest news, from an abruptly-cancelled Luke Cage miniseries, a new comic about Starship Hulk, and Saga’s live-action debut!

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317: Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye

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It’s HAWKEYE DAY!!!
Or Toga Hawkeye day.
Or Butterscotch Wolverine Hawkeye day.
Whatever. It’s Clint Barton Day (And Kate Bishop!). We’re celebrating the release of the Disney+ MCU Hawkeye series by talkin’ Hawkeye! The good, the bad, and the horrible (costumes in particular). We’re talking arrows, Avengers, West Coast Avengers, Thunderbolts and that time he was head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises.
We talk about Clint being the dick of the team but somehow still lovable. The infamous Fraction/Aja run.
And fart arrows. Yea. We go there.
All that and lots of news about Sexy Rudd, a new Shazam comic and Superman becoming Captain Britain!
And celery day. We’re still talking about celery day.

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316: Celery Day Stalkslam

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For thousands of years, the debate has raged: Christmas? Halloween? Which is the supreme holiday? Today we solve this decisively, once and for all, ion the typical manner of making a bunch of characters, each representing one of the two holidays, fight!

But first! We’ve got more “news” about the Ayer Cut, as well as the Diamond Distribution Hack and a new comic-based cartoon that just came out! Plus, we’re covering all of the Disney+ Day Marvel stuff in the Warmup!

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315: The Skrull Cows Show Up in This!

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You KNOW it’s serious when it’s superhero event time and “war” is in the title! Even though it happens with just alarming regularity, really. We dig deep into a wild variety of superhero war stories: The Kree-Skrull War, The Evolutionary War, and the Secret War (not that one)! Some will change comics forever, others will make absolutely no sense at all! But all will say something about the eras they were published in, from the swingin’ early ‘70s, the excessive late ‘80s, and the deeply cynical mid-2000s!

But that’s not all! We play a random-selection game to create all-new Amalgam characters between newer Marvel and DC characters! Hawkeye marketing pokes the hornet’s nest regarding Marvel and creator royalties! And Danny DeVito writes a Penguin comic!? He’s gonna play this stinkin’ podcast like a harp from hell!

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314: Let’s Clean Out the Old Newshole

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Well we had a fun & spooky month but now…. it’s back to business.
On to the news!
A lot has happened in comic book/film news so we dive right in with Marvel’s problems with Penguin/Random House distribution, Image Comic’s startling decision about reprints, the bisexual Superman ‘controversy’, Bill Murray being… well… Bill Murray, Spiderman Far from Home rumours, Steven DeKnight astonished by the miscreant Akira Yoshida, Brendan Fraser double DC duty, McFarlane toys Bathorse…… and Owen Wilson as a centaur!
And don’t miss the news intermission with Kyle’s classic ‘Hulk out or Fake out’!
It’s 10 alarm chili time on Zero Issues!

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313: Free with the Thistles

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Submitted for the approval of the audience, I call this story The Tale of the Cactus that Loved…. To Kill.

*throws Iced tea mix on an open fire*

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312: Morbius, Morbius, Morbius, and Kevin Bacon

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The Spooky Month continues, and this week it’s our spookiest trick yet – fixing a character! Namely, good ol’ living vampire Michael “Morbius” Morbius! Now Morbius is a perfectly fine science vampire, but for some reason we just can’t sink our teeth into the character as much as we’d like. So Merk, Bry ’n Kyle all reinvent the character in their own weird ways! So bite into this episode for some royal vampire intrigue, a cavern of underground monsters, and all the Australian blood and quokkas you can handle! Bwah! Plasma!!

But, oh no! The DC Fandome has descended on our podcast once more! To escape, we must discuss a bunch of the new DC movie teasers and decide which one looks the coolest! And we’re running out of air in here! Listen fast!

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