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Newsflash time! It’s Al Jaffee! It’s Turtles and Teens! It’s your grandma and her original hips at 84, and so is Marvel! And Antarctica! 
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Newsflash: April 24, 2023
383: I Wanna Lex You Up
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Inspired by the announcement of Waid & Hitch on “The Last Days of Lex Luthor”, we look at the many versions of that hairless hater of Superman, talk about our favourite versions of ol’ Lex, then decide… Hey, never mind all that, we can fix this guy! Let’s reimagine Lex Luthor and see what other interpretations might befit the Menace of Metropolis! Maybe he transforms himself through science and becomes a Cronenberg-ian horror? Maybe he’s a snooping landlord in a Clark-Lois-Jimmy “Three’s Company” scenario? Maybe he’s a supreme sorcerer now able to defeat Superman through magic? Maybe he’s a lot of things! And you’ll hear about ‘em!
But that’s not all! Merk, at long last, hunts down the comics to solve a childhood “Power Man and Iron Fist” mystery! And friends, this journey through continuity has everything: exploding motorcycles, flying 1986 cell phones, knockoff Nega-Bands, high collars, ketchup stains, Master Kahn, John Byrne. EVERYTHING.
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382: Superman’s Race with the Flash – Sponsored by Brown Sprite
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It’s DRAMATIC READING time and we have a CLASSIC DOOZY for ya!! Superman racing the Flash! It doesn’t get much more iconic than that…. but we can make it a lot weirder and funnier! And we do! Listen along as we act out and react to this surprisingly convoluted story. Hear about the UN’s gambling problem that they get these two heroes involved in! Watch Green Lantern and his brown ring! Hear about Steven Seagal in a hot tub full of butter! See Superman blow the Flash…. not like that!! This episode (and race) is sponsored by Brown Sprite. 
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381: Through the Cronen-Hole
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Today we descend into darkness as we discuss those wretched hives of scum and villainy: comment sections and fan forums! Okay, okay, there are plenty of wonderful and positive fan communities that we all love, and should! But something about the direction of fandom online over the decades tends to take a turn for the toxic whenever negativity, bullying, and anger (and, uh, threats to drink spit in protest to watching a movie?) take hold of the conversation.
What makes a good thread go bad, or even go on for 15 years? We dig into the evolution of fandom and fans online, how the platforms we use change the experience, how we’re hard-wired to choose and defend our favourites from childhood, and plenty more in this free-wheelin’, far-reaching discussion from three middle-aged fanboys who’ve seen it all on this ol’ Internet of ours. Merk even shares the twisted tale of the most deranged comment thread under a Brie Larson news post that was ever cursed upon his feed by: The Algorithm!
But on a brighter note, we just realized it’s the 9th anniversary of when we started making Zero Issues! And to celebrate this auspicious occasion, Merk challenges Kyle & Bry with a NEW GAME using his trusty deck of 1991 Marvel Universe trading cards: the roll of a die will reveal hidden truths about randomly-selected but still totally bodacious heroes and villains.
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Newsflash: April 3, 2023
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This week: more firings! But to be specific, we’re talking about Ike Perlmutter: at one point the man on top, now a man reduced to living inside the Epcot sphere, eating stickers of X-Men favourite Sage, to survive. That plus more news!
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Newsflash: March 27, 2023
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This week in the news: FIRINGS! They’re all the rage, it seems. From Victoria Alonso at Marvel to an entire department at Funko, folks are being let go. But it isn’t all bad news! Boris Karloff is (figuratively) back from the grave, and he’s brought Gold Key with him! Plus, if you’re hurting for television-based graphic novel adaptations, then surprise, Essex County’s out! Go watch it!
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380: Bald Badness
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Purple robe, purple robe! This week, because it’s March, we’re getting a little…maaaaad. March Madness! This time, everyone’s bald! Bald villains and heroes, battling it out to see who’s the toughest one of them all!
Oh shoot we didn’t even think of Bald Bull from Punch-Out, now we gotta do it all over again, shoot
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379: Tawky Tawny Taking Off all his Clothes to Feed his Kids
SHAZAM!! With the wisdom of Solomon (your cousin Sol, y’know, the guy who was decided to not wear pants to the last family event) we elect to celebrate the new Shazam film by having a Shazam themed LIGHTNING ROUND!! KRAKAKOOOM! You’ll hear such things as- Bry-Is one of them a monkey? There’s always a monkey. – Kyle thinks sign language is a super power – Do the squinty eyes stay or go? Decide – Solely Holy Moly – Is the Family Circus an origin story for Billy Batson? – Helen Mirren’s twisted fingers! – Kyle is the Marvel whisperer…. and he is! – That and SO MUCH MORE! With the wisdom of a hologram and the strength of a platypus, you will listen to this pod!
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Newsflash: March 13, 2023
GETCHA HULK CHUNKS! Three newsboys dig into the biggest comic news of exactly this moment! It’s new creative teams and number-ones galore as the allure of that big #1 looms large. Very soon, Wonder Woman and The Flash get big #800 anniversary issues followed by new #1 issues and wild new directions.
Chip Zdarsky and Marco Checchetto’s 5-year Daredevil epic comes to a close as Chip hits the road across Canada – and maybe to a comic shop near you, if you live in Canada, and we do! The Hulk stops being a… spaceship?… and gets back to his roots as a big green monster man — and just in time for some manner of monster war! In the land of moving pictures, Batman: Caped Crusader lives on with a two-season Amazon Prime deal!
Hey wait, you forgot a number one! Steel (John Henry) and Steel (Natasha) return in Steelworks #1, written by none other than Michael Dorn, the voice of Steel in the ‘90s cartoon, and, y’know, Worf. So hot right now. You don’t see Shaq getting invited, do you? And speaking of not being invited: after getting Typhoid Married, Wilson “Big Willie” “The Kingpin” Fisk has found a loophole granting him a permanent Krakoan Honeymoon! Oh my, just imagine the zany misadventures to come every week at the Blob’s bar.
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378: Wolverine is a Rich Little Fancy Gentleman
This week we’ve gone team-up crazy! Time for a free-wheeling discussion about the glorious tradition of Marvel Team-Up, Marvel Two-In-One, The Brave and the Bold, and all the wacky combos of the biggest, the weirdest, and the downright obscure! What are our favourite team-up stories, the ones we never want to see again, ones we should take another look at, and ones we would love to see! All that and why The Thing is the best Marvel team-up star, and an off-the-cuff audio history of “Marvel Two-In-One”, why not! Including yet another heartfelt pitch for an ongoing Lockjaw team-up book, MARVEL. And then another one for a monthly Wolverine X-People-Only team-up book! MARVEL!!
But first, in a rapid-fire Character Storm, we create three soon-to-be classics: The Cramp, Modern Man, and Costume Hoodie! One’s a dance! (That one’s The Cramp!)
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